First World Problems

May 9th, 2016

I can do hard things.  But honestly, sometimes I just don’t really want to.  And I don’t even mean actual hard things like running a marathon or battling some terrifying chronic illness.  Keep in mind that my “hard things” are completely relative to my life experience and former anticipated road map of life.  I’m a little undecided at this time as to whether or not I’m hella grateful for what I can do and have been blessed with or if I’m mostly annoyed that these growth promoting opportunities are even presented to me. Read More

Slightly Mental

I was 3 months into a false reconciliation with #3 when I embarked upon my first *real* attempt at ED recovery.  To clarify, I say “false” because at the time that I created space in my life, both physically and mentally, for #3 to demonstrate all of the ways that he was “completely different”, he was actually just beginning a second affair with his original accomplice in our first D-Day.  But to be fair, it was also false because I was not actively working towards reconciliation.  For my part, a better description would be I was passively observing him.  I was desperately waiting for full disclosure, something he never provided, as well as observing what actions he would take to overcome and maintain sobriety in his “addiction”. Read More

Follow your brain, your heart is stupid as shit

“Always love a woman for her personality.  They have like 10 to choose from.”  I feel like whoever penned this good bit of satire may be on to something.  I’ve mostly lost all pride or luxury of concealing all the less than ugly parts of me.  I take no shame in admitting that there is a whole chorus of voices participating in my mental dialogue every bloody day.  Some of them are dead useful and there’s a whole harem of charmingly, witty ones.  But for my friends who have ever lived with ED, you know he is an obnoxiously loud, over-talking, pessimistic asshole.  While it’s likely that each woman has her own compilation of both helpful and unwanted contributors, I’ve been thinking on mine and all the ways that each has contributed to either my psychosis or recovery.

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