Bumbling Fool

May 30th, 2016

I did a thing.  A thing that I vowed I would never do.  I wasn’t bribed or dared or drunk.  I installed a dating app on my phone.  And I don’t even want to date!  I mean, that’s only mostly true.  Because I want to have the opportunity to accept dates and do date things like movies and dinners and first kisses.  I want to reach into my closet and finally choose one of the dozens of adorable dresses that have patiently and hopefully hung for so long.  Mostly, I just want someone potentially available in the off chance that I have an opening in my schedule and don’t want to fill it with the usual.  Is that something I should include in my bio?  Should I disclose that my spirit animal is a cat because I want love when I want it and even if I want it, one too many strokes will get you bit?  And like a cat, I’m a bit of an asshole and I’m never going to greet you at the door or follow you around.  And you have to think that’s awesome.

In my defense, I was really vulnerable.  I was facing a holiday weekend without my kids and I had loads of things that clearly needed to be done, but still, I didn’t even have the option of saying no to a date.  And it’s not that I haven’t had really amazing friends, male and female, to spend my little free time with.  But I’ve been super guarded about not giving the wrong idea and making sure that I wasn’t filling my life with another distraction or external validation.  And mostly, I’m scared as hell that I am completely incapable of properly vetting the assholes.  Cause let’s be honest, I’m like the mecca for addicts and douche canoes.  And yet I’ve thought they were perfectly delightful creatures.

So anyway, I’m finally thinking that maybe I would be open to a date.  Like singular.  Like not a string of dates multiple days in a row.  But how does one do this?  I go to work and the gym and church and Hobby Lobby and rugby practice.  I mean, where does one procure candidates?  And I don’t even get hit on.  So all of this is leading to the thing.  My adorable sister has been nagging me to get online for ages.  To which I’ve emphatically assured her that I would never do.  But sometimes wine and long, lonely weekends are super effective in convincing a person that a dating app is bloody brilliant.  Read More

Today

Schools out for my little people.  Which is equally awesome and chaotic.  There’s all this running about to summer and football camps and babysitters leaving on vacations and all of the ways that we attempt to keep kids active, entertained, and useful all summer long.  So I feel a little disconnected from my second life as a would be blogger.  When I started blogging, it was initially a place for the journaling that I began during what I thought was just recovery of an eating disorder.  A few months into that process, I recognized (through the help of costly professionals) that my behaviors were more of a symptom of issues rather than *the* issue itself.  Ultimately it became evident to myself and probably anyone around me that I really needed to work through something greater. Read More